Hate and Love

I. Hate. Sin.

I hate the sin of sexual immorality. I hate that we've convinced ourselves that it's "ok to do what feels good."
 I hate that this applies to people who profess to have faith in Jesus Christ, to keep his commandments, yet seem to feel that this is "outdated."

I hate that we hold tight to the scriptures like John 3: 16 - "For God so loved the world...," the ones that make us feel happy and fuzzy but the ones that convict us and make us squirm - "keep the marriage bed pure," (Hebrews 13:4) are discarded as old hat.

I hate that we've decided it's ok to live together before marriage comparing people, lives, eternal souls to cars. After all, you test drive something before you buy it, right?

 I hate that when the relationship ends all that is left of the two individuals is fragments because sin told us we should be afraid of commitment and should gratify ourselves before any others.

 I hate the lies that are spun everyday, blinding us to the reality of our sin like "Everyone does it." or "Love is being tolerant." The lies that convince us we're doing God's will by conforming to the world He warned us to be separated from.

I hate that believers in Christ has decided they can pick and choose what they want to believe about Christ's commands. Obviously God really didn't mean it when He said homosexuality is a sin. Get with the times God!

I hate that sin has entered the world. I hate that it's even exists for me to be on the verge of tears about late this Friday night.

I hate that I see sin entangling my friends lives like stepping into a spiderweb that you didn't see.

I hate that I turn around and see my sins staring at me, pointing the finger at me, remidning me of my own guilt.

But you know what? I love Jesus. I LOVE Jesus!

I love that even in my sin He looked at me with kindness.

I love that He tells me I'm forgiven.

I love his example of the woman caught in adultery where he tells her (and tells me also) "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more."  (John 8:11 Paraphrased)

I love that sin has lost.

I love that Jesus won the victory when he rose from the grave.

I love that I am no longer a slave to sin.

I AM FREE!

Romans 6:1-14

v 14 "For sin shall not be your master, because you are no under law, but under grace."

-Taylor

Hatching

When I was little, late elementary school, I got a butterfly habitat for my birthday. You ordered the caterpillars and they came in the mail. You got to watch them spin there cocoon and then you had to transfer them to a big box so that when the hatched they had enough room to fly as butterflies. I remember the day they began to hatch out of their cocoon. I sat at out kitchen table, head resting on my arms, as one by one they wiggled and wormed their way free into a new life they had never dreamed of during their little caterpillar days, they spread their beautiful wings and flew. Guess what? I'm feeling a lot like those butterflies right now. As my college days recently came to a close I was freaking out. My parents are cutting me off, I don't have a job or a place to live, my friends lives seems to be moving on without me and I'm left thinking I'm going to be stuck in caterpillar form forever, sitting in the dirt. I was trying to trust God but I felt as if I had failed God. An opportunity for mission work had come my way and after much prayer I had turned it down. I had lots of reasons for doing so but since then I have felt as if God was looking down on me saying "Well, I tried Taylor but you obviously are a lost cause." I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in school, drowning in life, drowning in disappointment. Then something changed. I was sitting in church on my last Wednesday night in college. One of my friends had just rocked my world. I was basically pouting on the front row of church. Whining to God about why things weren't going my way. Then a small phrase popped into my head, "I open at the close." Yes, if you're wondering where you've heard it before it's from Harry Potter as he walks willingly to his death. "Yeah," I thought, "this has no baring on my situation at all." but then, there it was again, "I OPEN at the close." well, maybe the close doesn't always mean death, maybe it means the closing of a chapter...what if I, me, Taylor, open at the close of this chapter? I feel like the light bulb lit up, the angels appeared and the "Hallelujah Chorus" was sung. I OPEN AT THE CLOSE! It's not the end! It's the beginning. That day I began pushing against my enclosure - everything I have thought I would do after college everything I've thought my life should be began to crack. You know in movies when the main character has an epiphany and they begin running, most of the time they have no idea where, and they just keeping running? Yeah, that's me, and I'm running. It's like God is pulling off the shell and laughing that I thought I could ever stay inside that cocoon forever. He's saying go! Be free, tell the world of me, spread those beautiful butterfly wings I made for you. So I will. I write this first off to free my mind, but also because I want to encourage you, whoever you are, to push against what ever is enclosing you. This is different for everyone so don't think it's a once size fits all cocoon. But here's the deal, everyone is enclosed in something at some point but not everyone allows God to free them from it. So whatever is enclosing you, push on the walls, and you may find God on the other side. -Taylor

You made me look like a fool last night!

My freshmen year in college my best friend introduced to me the movie "Nacho Libre". She prefaced it as being a "great movie with a very spiritual message." She wasn't wrong. Though, you do have to be looking for the spiritual themes. The story is about a Catholic monk in Mexico who decides he wants to be a luchador. He also falls in love with a nun, Encarnosio, in the process, but being a monk and nun their romance is kind of doomed from the start. At one point he tries to impress the nun but fails miserably and tells his friend, "you made me look like fool last night!" you really have to see it for it to be funny. That's what you should do after reading this, go watch Nacho Libre. As I'm about to head back to school I have been reflecting over my summer. Unfortunately, more times than not, I feel like my subconscious is telling me, "you made you look like a fool last night!" All those cringe worthy moments. Putting my foot in my mouth, doing things for attention, trying to be something I'm not to impress people. Everyone has had moments like these. I don't know about you, but when these things happen to me and I realize them, I want to crawl under a rock and never come out. Or in more recent weeks move to Costa Rica and live with the sloths. Have you seen them? They're soooo adorable! But, I digress. The night that I looked at my summer and thought how much I mucked up some moments I read this story in Mark: The Healing Of the Demon-possessed man. If you haven't read it you can read it in Mark 5. The gist is, this guy is possessed by lots of demons and makes him run around naked in the tombs. When Jesus comes to visit he sends the demons into a herd of pigs and the man is free and worships Jesus. As I read this I thought about how great Jesus is that he can just command demons to leave and they do. Then it hit me, the God who healed and loved a man who ran naked around a bunch of graves is the God who loves me even when I run around making a mess of things. I don't know what's going on in your life but if you feel down on yourself because you feel you've messed some stuff remember the God loves you just as much as the demon possessed man and He will heal you of your wounds (even self inflicted). So next time you feel a little Nacho coming on and you feel like you looked like a fool, remember God loves you and he can turn what ever you've done around.

The Defective 5 Year Plan

I like to plan things. Not in a to do list sort of way but mentally. I don't like surprises either. When I wake up in the morning I take a shower and I think about what I'm going to do that day. Typically it's the same pattern every day. Take shower, go to class (during school), drink my coffee, etc. Day in and day out. I like a plan. I've had my life plan since junior high. Graduate high school, go to LCU, get married, have a career, have children, be a stay at home mom. Boom! That's what I want. That's what I'm going to do. Well, I did graduate high school and I did go to LCU after that my "life plan" kind of fell apart. I did not find the love of my life at LCU and doubt that I will. I graduate in ten months and I have not had a long term relationship. Ever. Basically my life plan got crapped out. Now I'm having to make decisions that never entered my mind that I would have to make. Where do I go to grad school? Omaha? St. Louis? Alabama? How am I going to live by myself? How am I going to pay the bills while I'm in grad school. Yay for fun adult stuff. It absolutely kills me to not know what is going to happen, what the "plan" is. FYI, this doesn't usually work out well in relationships, there's too many unanswered questions. Anyway, back to my point, I want to hold on to my plans as much as I possibly can. It's my security. It means that I have control. Maybe I'm control freak. I really don't know. But here's what I'm learning, God's "five year plan" may not be your five year plan. Life has a way of throwing you some major curve balls that you never saw coming. I think God intended it to be that way. Right when we're thinking that we know what's up God says "wait a minute, here's what I've got for you." the thing is, His plans are even greater than yours will ever be! You may think you have to marry that person, or pursue that career but you know what? It may not work out that way, and it's ok. God knows what he's doing. A very good friend of mine said today, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Funny, but very true. Clicheness a ahead, but give your plans to God and let Him turn your life into what he wants!

Comparitively Speaking...

Occasionally I get in these reflective moods...ok, these happen fairly regularly. Since finals are over and I'm in this waiting period between the end of school and my mission trip to Europe on Monday I've had more time than usual to think and reflect. Sometimes reflecting is really good and other times (for me at least) it can easily segway into comparing my life to others. Instead of looking at my life and thinking "man, God has really blessed me and I want to work on my flaws to be more pleasing to God!" it becomes, "My life is good...but it would be better if I had a boyfriend that really cared for me, like so and so has." Then discontentment sets in and you end up just standing in the shower with the hot water running on you (oh come on, I know you do most of your thinking in the shower! Who doesn't?) feeling blah. For me this just start the comparison train, "maybe if I was more kind like so and so," or "blank has such a better singer than me, no wonder everyone loves her," and it goes on and on and on. If it continues it can quickly become easy to blame God, "you know God if I was more whatever I would be such a better Christian." At this point its time to hit the breaks, HARD!! If it ever becomes a blame game its seriously time to stop. Of course, it shouldn't begin in the first place, which is my point. Yes, we all have dreams and sometimes it's really hard to see other people getting things that you want while you either have to wait or just deal with the fact that that may not be the plan for your life. Yes, I said deal with hit. You can cry, pitch a fit, yell but sometimes God says "no," to you and "yes" to someone else and you're just going to have to get over it, and don't even start the comparison game. Now when it comes to faults in yourself that you wish weren't there and you wish you had the quality someone elses possesses, well that's a tricky thing. There is nothing wrong, and everything right with seeing a quality in some else and thinking, "Man, that is a great quality," then spending time praying about asking God to grant you that quality and beginning to work to possess that quality. What's not cool is the, "Gosh, I wish I was like that and had that quality," then proceeding to feel badly about yourself and your short coming but not doing anything about it. If you want to change you can but its by the grace of God and only if you really want it. My point in all of this is to remind you (and me. Believe me, this is to myself more than anyone) that God made you the way you are, this includes the circumstances you are in. Also, that when God says no to find contentment in that situation and continue to praise God for gifts. Comparison is truly the death of contentment and it's very easy to fall into the trap. If anything remember the way that Veggie Tales used to end (maybe it still does? Really not sure...) God made you special and he loves you very much! Take great joy in that!

I'll Pray for You

Have you ever had someone tell you about their lives and you tell them "I'll pray for you," then you leave the conversation and you never even think twice about saying that you would pray for them? Yeah, I'm totally guilty of that. I mention this because prayer has been some thing on my mind lately. Why? I have a confession: prayer is something I really struggle with. Not that I don't believe that it works - I've seen proof of that but I often just don't take a lot of time to spend in prayer. I feel horribly guilty about and have tried to get better out. About three weeks ago I went on a retreat and for the first time in a long time I had a heart to heart talk with God. You know that mountain top feeling? Yeah, I was on Mt. Everest! It was on that retreat that the idea to set up a time to for our college group to get together and pray for those who needed Jesus or needed to get back in touch with Jesus was presented in one of the lessons. After talking to some people we decided to go ahead and set that up. Because I helped set it up obviously I was committing to go to it. I was saying that I would go to a prayer group every week when prayer is so not my strong suit...at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not boasting about anything, I have a long way to go in this, but in all these posts I feel God laying it on my heart to share these things and today its my prayer journey. Since I've started going to the prayer meeting I have learned some things I'd like to share. One, prayer offers a connection to God that is almost describable, not all the time though, but sometimes, you really feel a connection to God. Secondly, never ride off how important having others to keep you responsible for something. Whether that is helping you work your prayer muscles or a different personal struggle of your own, God gave us a Church for a reason. I'm not talking about the building I'm talking about God's people who are living and breathing. Going back to the beginning I want to encourage you to take a moment next time you say you're going to pray for someone and sincerely do it. No, you don't have to get down on your knees in the middle of public (don't be goin' all Pharisee) but do make a conscious effort to talk to God about another's problem. Anyway, I hope you've been blessed by my random thoughts at random times! Love to all! Taylor

Between Good and Better

Do you ever have those days where you just reflect on some of the decisions you've made in your life and thought maybe you should chosen something else? Then you end up sitting on your bed in your favorite nightgown watching the Yin Yang episodes of Psych. No? Just me? Hmm...well anyway; today has been one of those days. Sometimes its hard to pill to swallow when you realize that one day you may regret your decisions. I'm not talking about consequences to bad decisions I'm talking about those times when you're faced with a choice and you have to decide what you want. Sometimes you've chosen well and you live happily ever after, then sometime you wake up and think "dang, I should have handled that differently." There are factors that change the outcome (parameters as we say in Exercise Science)timing, place in life, etc, all effecting the way you make those decisions. It's really hard when you have to decide between good and better not knowing how things will work out in the long run. It's these times when trusting in God is so hard yet essential. God sees the big picture and sometime we screw up the picture but he still works with it and makes it into a beautiful masterpiece. Cliche, I know, but it is true. It's something I have to remind myself on days like today. Sometimes you have to look at it and go "welp, maybe that wasn't the best choice to make but what's done is done and God is in control." I needed to write my thoughts down but I also want to encourage anyone (as few as they may be) that whatever bad choice you made (sinful or just ones that aren't the best) that it's ok and God can work with you anyway because God is the incredible all power creator of the Universe! Then I also want to say, even those little decisions matter, so think long and hard before you make your choices, one Saturday you may wake up and regret it. Love to all! -Taylor