You made me look like a fool last night!

My freshmen year in college my best friend introduced to me the movie "Nacho Libre". She prefaced it as being a "great movie with a very spiritual message." She wasn't wrong. Though, you do have to be looking for the spiritual themes. The story is about a Catholic monk in Mexico who decides he wants to be a luchador. He also falls in love with a nun, Encarnosio, in the process, but being a monk and nun their romance is kind of doomed from the start. At one point he tries to impress the nun but fails miserably and tells his friend, "you made me look like fool last night!" you really have to see it for it to be funny. That's what you should do after reading this, go watch Nacho Libre. As I'm about to head back to school I have been reflecting over my summer. Unfortunately, more times than not, I feel like my subconscious is telling me, "you made you look like a fool last night!" All those cringe worthy moments. Putting my foot in my mouth, doing things for attention, trying to be something I'm not to impress people. Everyone has had moments like these. I don't know about you, but when these things happen to me and I realize them, I want to crawl under a rock and never come out. Or in more recent weeks move to Costa Rica and live with the sloths. Have you seen them? They're soooo adorable! But, I digress. The night that I looked at my summer and thought how much I mucked up some moments I read this story in Mark: The Healing Of the Demon-possessed man. If you haven't read it you can read it in Mark 5. The gist is, this guy is possessed by lots of demons and makes him run around naked in the tombs. When Jesus comes to visit he sends the demons into a herd of pigs and the man is free and worships Jesus. As I read this I thought about how great Jesus is that he can just command demons to leave and they do. Then it hit me, the God who healed and loved a man who ran naked around a bunch of graves is the God who loves me even when I run around making a mess of things. I don't know what's going on in your life but if you feel down on yourself because you feel you've messed some stuff remember the God loves you just as much as the demon possessed man and He will heal you of your wounds (even self inflicted). So next time you feel a little Nacho coming on and you feel like you looked like a fool, remember God loves you and he can turn what ever you've done around.

The Defective 5 Year Plan

I like to plan things. Not in a to do list sort of way but mentally. I don't like surprises either. When I wake up in the morning I take a shower and I think about what I'm going to do that day. Typically it's the same pattern every day. Take shower, go to class (during school), drink my coffee, etc. Day in and day out. I like a plan. I've had my life plan since junior high. Graduate high school, go to LCU, get married, have a career, have children, be a stay at home mom. Boom! That's what I want. That's what I'm going to do. Well, I did graduate high school and I did go to LCU after that my "life plan" kind of fell apart. I did not find the love of my life at LCU and doubt that I will. I graduate in ten months and I have not had a long term relationship. Ever. Basically my life plan got crapped out. Now I'm having to make decisions that never entered my mind that I would have to make. Where do I go to grad school? Omaha? St. Louis? Alabama? How am I going to live by myself? How am I going to pay the bills while I'm in grad school. Yay for fun adult stuff. It absolutely kills me to not know what is going to happen, what the "plan" is. FYI, this doesn't usually work out well in relationships, there's too many unanswered questions. Anyway, back to my point, I want to hold on to my plans as much as I possibly can. It's my security. It means that I have control. Maybe I'm control freak. I really don't know. But here's what I'm learning, God's "five year plan" may not be your five year plan. Life has a way of throwing you some major curve balls that you never saw coming. I think God intended it to be that way. Right when we're thinking that we know what's up God says "wait a minute, here's what I've got for you." the thing is, His plans are even greater than yours will ever be! You may think you have to marry that person, or pursue that career but you know what? It may not work out that way, and it's ok. God knows what he's doing. A very good friend of mine said today, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Funny, but very true. Clicheness a ahead, but give your plans to God and let Him turn your life into what he wants!

Comparitively Speaking...

Occasionally I get in these reflective moods...ok, these happen fairly regularly. Since finals are over and I'm in this waiting period between the end of school and my mission trip to Europe on Monday I've had more time than usual to think and reflect. Sometimes reflecting is really good and other times (for me at least) it can easily segway into comparing my life to others. Instead of looking at my life and thinking "man, God has really blessed me and I want to work on my flaws to be more pleasing to God!" it becomes, "My life is good...but it would be better if I had a boyfriend that really cared for me, like so and so has." Then discontentment sets in and you end up just standing in the shower with the hot water running on you (oh come on, I know you do most of your thinking in the shower! Who doesn't?) feeling blah. For me this just start the comparison train, "maybe if I was more kind like so and so," or "blank has such a better singer than me, no wonder everyone loves her," and it goes on and on and on. If it continues it can quickly become easy to blame God, "you know God if I was more whatever I would be such a better Christian." At this point its time to hit the breaks, HARD!! If it ever becomes a blame game its seriously time to stop. Of course, it shouldn't begin in the first place, which is my point. Yes, we all have dreams and sometimes it's really hard to see other people getting things that you want while you either have to wait or just deal with the fact that that may not be the plan for your life. Yes, I said deal with hit. You can cry, pitch a fit, yell but sometimes God says "no," to you and "yes" to someone else and you're just going to have to get over it, and don't even start the comparison game. Now when it comes to faults in yourself that you wish weren't there and you wish you had the quality someone elses possesses, well that's a tricky thing. There is nothing wrong, and everything right with seeing a quality in some else and thinking, "Man, that is a great quality," then spending time praying about asking God to grant you that quality and beginning to work to possess that quality. What's not cool is the, "Gosh, I wish I was like that and had that quality," then proceeding to feel badly about yourself and your short coming but not doing anything about it. If you want to change you can but its by the grace of God and only if you really want it. My point in all of this is to remind you (and me. Believe me, this is to myself more than anyone) that God made you the way you are, this includes the circumstances you are in. Also, that when God says no to find contentment in that situation and continue to praise God for gifts. Comparison is truly the death of contentment and it's very easy to fall into the trap. If anything remember the way that Veggie Tales used to end (maybe it still does? Really not sure...) God made you special and he loves you very much! Take great joy in that!

I'll Pray for You

Have you ever had someone tell you about their lives and you tell them "I'll pray for you," then you leave the conversation and you never even think twice about saying that you would pray for them? Yeah, I'm totally guilty of that. I mention this because prayer has been some thing on my mind lately. Why? I have a confession: prayer is something I really struggle with. Not that I don't believe that it works - I've seen proof of that but I often just don't take a lot of time to spend in prayer. I feel horribly guilty about and have tried to get better out. About three weeks ago I went on a retreat and for the first time in a long time I had a heart to heart talk with God. You know that mountain top feeling? Yeah, I was on Mt. Everest! It was on that retreat that the idea to set up a time to for our college group to get together and pray for those who needed Jesus or needed to get back in touch with Jesus was presented in one of the lessons. After talking to some people we decided to go ahead and set that up. Because I helped set it up obviously I was committing to go to it. I was saying that I would go to a prayer group every week when prayer is so not my strong suit...at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not boasting about anything, I have a long way to go in this, but in all these posts I feel God laying it on my heart to share these things and today its my prayer journey. Since I've started going to the prayer meeting I have learned some things I'd like to share. One, prayer offers a connection to God that is almost describable, not all the time though, but sometimes, you really feel a connection to God. Secondly, never ride off how important having others to keep you responsible for something. Whether that is helping you work your prayer muscles or a different personal struggle of your own, God gave us a Church for a reason. I'm not talking about the building I'm talking about God's people who are living and breathing. Going back to the beginning I want to encourage you to take a moment next time you say you're going to pray for someone and sincerely do it. No, you don't have to get down on your knees in the middle of public (don't be goin' all Pharisee) but do make a conscious effort to talk to God about another's problem. Anyway, I hope you've been blessed by my random thoughts at random times! Love to all! Taylor

Between Good and Better

Do you ever have those days where you just reflect on some of the decisions you've made in your life and thought maybe you should chosen something else? Then you end up sitting on your bed in your favorite nightgown watching the Yin Yang episodes of Psych. No? Just me? Hmm...well anyway; today has been one of those days. Sometimes its hard to pill to swallow when you realize that one day you may regret your decisions. I'm not talking about consequences to bad decisions I'm talking about those times when you're faced with a choice and you have to decide what you want. Sometimes you've chosen well and you live happily ever after, then sometime you wake up and think "dang, I should have handled that differently." There are factors that change the outcome (parameters as we say in Exercise Science)timing, place in life, etc, all effecting the way you make those decisions. It's really hard when you have to decide between good and better not knowing how things will work out in the long run. It's these times when trusting in God is so hard yet essential. God sees the big picture and sometime we screw up the picture but he still works with it and makes it into a beautiful masterpiece. Cliche, I know, but it is true. It's something I have to remind myself on days like today. Sometimes you have to look at it and go "welp, maybe that wasn't the best choice to make but what's done is done and God is in control." I needed to write my thoughts down but I also want to encourage anyone (as few as they may be) that whatever bad choice you made (sinful or just ones that aren't the best) that it's ok and God can work with you anyway because God is the incredible all power creator of the Universe! Then I also want to say, even those little decisions matter, so think long and hard before you make your choices, one Saturday you may wake up and regret it. Love to all! -Taylor

Why I choose to study science

I remember when I was graduating high school how many people would ask my friends and I what we planned to do. Two of my friends were going into mission work (one is now about to go to South Africa, the other is pursuing a missions minor here at LCU). Oh the oos and ahhs they would get from the adults who approved of such noble ambitions. Don't get me wrong, going into mission work is fantastic and we need those people but hear me out - I have a point. People would then turn to me, and ask me what my big plans were after high school. I would answer, "attend college and become a therapist." Oh the looks of disappointment I would get. No, I was not running off to save the world, yes I was going to an expensive college and the career path I was choosing to follow was not directly labeled "mission work." I really struggled with this at the time Was I a bad person for not immediately wanting to save the starving children in Africa? The answer is no, I'm not. When I got to school my feelings about what I wanted to do were confirmed. My favorite classes were always my science classes, be it chemistry, anatomy and physiology, or Biology, I loved them all. Here's one of the reasons why: I feel that there is an element of worship (for me at least) in science. No, not the worship of science, but worship of God. When I stop and study the human body I am completely floored by the intricate details of it. When I learn about how life begins in the womb I am amazed. When I learn about electron spheres and their orbits around protons I am stunned, not by the the works of men who discovered it, but by the God who created it. There have been times while studying for exams where I have stopped and thought "wow, this is all happening RIGHT NOW, and the world isn't batting an eye, how can you deny God the Creator?" I'm not about arguing on this blog about things, I'm about stating my thoughts and feelings and my feelings are that if you stop and look at the world around you, whether that be microscopically or just watching the sunset, you cannot deny that it was created. This is one of the reasons I choose to spend four years of my life looking at how God created the human body and how it works; because in it is a different kind of worship for me that I don't want to give up. Back to my beginning thoughts, everyone is called to different things and I want to challenge you to choose to find something that allows you to worship God, whether that be mission work in South Africa, or studying the human body, do it all for the glory of God.

Why I Still Wear My Puirty Ring

Yes, another cliche post in the unending debate of purity and abstinence that will pop up on your facebook news feed every once in a while. I admit, occasionally I skim them (I rarely actually read them, but instead just try to get the highlights and major points,) but still every so often an argument for or against the decision or "pledge" of purity will catch my eye on my news feed. I have worn my purity ring since I was given it on my thirteenth birthday, I'm turning twenty-one soon and the ring is still slipped onto my finger every day after my morning shower. It's a fixation to my look, my college ring on my right hand my purity ring on the left - securing the place for my future wedding ring. I have read the discussions from women who no longer choose to wear their purity rings, saying they feel that it is a symbol of a false hood given to them in their teenage years. That it is a symbol that tells them their worth is from marriage and a man, that if they save their virginity than sex on their wedding night is going to be the best sex since sex began. I see the point, I'm not even going to argue because I think to some people it is that way; I'm also not going to tell you that I still wear my purity ring because I am waiting for someone - THE one, God's one and only - because I don't think it's that way for everyone either. I'm simply going to share a thought that came to me this morning on the subject. Today as I was driving to work I looked down at my purity ring, worn from years of use with scratches and small chunks missing that I thought, "this thing is so old and beat up maybe I should chuck it and get a newer one." thenit occurred to me - my ring is no longer clean and shiny as it was when I was thirteen because I'm no longer the clean and shiny girl I was when I got my ring. Don't get me wrong, I haven't gone off the deep-end or anything, but life (as it has a funny way of doing) has beat my heart up. I looked at my ring, really looked at it in a way I haven't in a while and I understood something. My ring is a cross and a heart connected, and up until now I always thought of it as God protecting my "heart" and by heart I meant the virginity aspect of it, the part I was giving to my future husband. But today I saw it and realized that this ring - beat up as it is, reflects how God HAS been protecting my heart. Not just through the boys that have flitted in and out my life leaving small scratches upon my heart, but also through the daily acts of living; the loving, the crying, the anger and the passion. Years ago when my mom gave me "the talk" she showed me two paper hearts, one she ripped and tore the other was pure and clean; she asked me "which do you want to give your future husband," well duh! The clean one! As I've gone through my high school and college career I saw every guy I liked and then let go of as another bruise upon that perfect heart, another mistake that was going to effect my future marriage. Today I realized that my heart is pure and clean because I have Christ as the stronghold of my heart - HE is the protector and the Almighty Healer. As I looked at my purity ring at that stop light on Quaker and 4th I realized that my purity ring is no longer just about my choice of saving my virginity for my future husband, it is about the choice of accepting Christ's grace and mercy and allowing HIM to protect my heart even beyond when I get married. THAT is why I choose to still wear my purity ring - as a reminder of God's unfailing love, grace and mercy.